Why Did the Chicken cross the Road? Part 1

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being.

John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

Albert Camus: It doesn’t matter; the chicken’s actions have no meaning except to him.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Darwin #1: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.

Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Oliver Stone: The question is not “Why did the chicken cross the road?” but is rather “Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?”

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): I’m not exactly sure why, but right now I’ve got a horse in my bathroom.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
 

hitman for hire- you’ll know why

“do not leave me alone starving to death.”
i suggest that that’s the last thing you should do to me.

but eventually, i was left alone on the floor while my other colleagues
were having their CISCO training earlier today. I can’t just make myself unavailable
cos that will screw the the company’s service level… and i was suffering for 4 hours of starvation.
i was so mad that i cried cos my head was spinning and my monitor looked like pizza and fried chicken
and i couldn’t think well cos my parasites were having the rally of their lives. i couldn’t take my break yet
cos nobody’s around but me. (i was cussing forever like crazy)

boy,i felt like i was in ethiopia for 4 yrs!

i blame this guy on the pic ( he was having the time of his bachelor life. i know lotsa girls and bayot drool for him) for his ”Not formally planned” CISCO training.
i attended his CISCO training only once. it was about TCP/IP fundamentals crap.. i’ve heard it all before. i want to learn something i dont know. ( and the mere fact that i don’t like him as my teacher. he’s the Vice president of the company, but i don’t care!)
i will study in the Networking Academy next semester. i don’t care if i pay as long as i’m not under a bond.

….

finally, my colleagues training ended! I went ahead to the pantry and chow down all my tummy could take… then burped and then my boss came
asking me “what’s going on?” I immediately replied,

“I’m not feeling good. I am mad. crazy  mad. “

“Why?”

“because i was left alone on the floor for 4 hours. i  was damn hungry..i was damn hungry!

” you’re not even inviting me to eat your food.”

“this food is not enough. i’m so damn hungry i could swallow an elephant. ” ( talking in monotone)

“alright, i do appreciate what you did today on the floor. i acknowledge that. how about an icecream tomorrow alas dose y media?

( at the back of my head i was talking back. *what? icecream? are you kidding me?* )

i didn’t confirm that i’ll grab the icecream treat. for the love of pete i’m not an icecream lover!!!

i went outside the office and bought something. my boss saw me again and reminded me about it. he was like 20 ft away and yelled don’t forget “alas dose y media”.

i thought of having Nikko as my Proxy tomorrow “alas dose y media”.

since these two look cute to be a couple.

( me grins like the devil )

legally blind

my eye vision is not clear, myopic and unwilling to cooperate during night time; plus an annoying fact that i cannot determine if the color is dark blue or black or green ( i have to actually ask somebody to determine which is which). i come to a conclusion that i’m legally blind in some way without jury duty or any judge’s decision. i am my judge but i have no ” court of appeals” to prove it,  just some willing insanity that works overtime 24 hrs in color!

now i see that the future is orange..

Maxims of the Internet Age - Part 1

1) Home is where you hang your @

2) The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3) A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4) You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.

5) Great groups from little icons grow.

6) Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

7) C: is the root of all directories.

8) Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.

9) Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

10) The modem is the message.

11) Too many clicks spoil the browse.

12) The geek shall inherit the earth.

13) A chat has nine lives.

my brain is under repair.

reformatting. upgrading for better functionalities of screwing up day to day hassles of life.. and death and resurrection of my dog Patoytoy.  canine god bless her soul.

 i think i’m trying to save the world for you..but you’ve been saving me, too

You’re The Only One

Well I saw you with your hands above your head
Spinning around, trying not to look down
But you did, and you fell, hard on the ground
Then you stumbled around for a good ten minutes
And I said I’d never seen anyone look so dumb before
And you laughed and said I still know how to turn you on though

(more…)

no pervs allowed

after her successful tranplant operation, I now introduce Miss Pia Donna Madrigal-Dela Calzada (formerly known as Donato Tatlong-Ari )

Phew!! it took me two sleepless nights to finish this piece. it took me 7 hours to paint the face and the head alone. this is my small-sized unfinished version. the original version size is 742 x 1197 and much yummier. ahardeeharharhar

Humor helps us to think out of the box. The average child laughs about 400 times per day, the average adult laughs only 15 times per day. What happened to the other 385 laughs?

Now Playing: Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell- Chaos Theory

only skin deep

I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. 
That’s deep enough. What do you want; an adorable pancreas?

barely there

the image is actually my underconstruction site’s background. it looks so “Island Souvenirish” (waaaa!!!)as what my colleague Tara said. that’s what i thought too. NOOOOO!!! there’s a story behind this (not again!). I won’t tell anybody about it this time. heh.

that’s my bod in the pic, but you can hardly see it cos it’s barely there.heh. seriously,i don’t like the thought  of me wearing two-piece suits and stuff like. though i know that a bikini is like a barbed-wire fence,it protects the property without obstructing the view. I just dont’ have the guts to wear it i think..and the body to show as well. since i can’t strike a pose along with a swimsuit, my not so adorable right hand had a better idea of drawing something that i could assume it was me having the time of my life posing with a bikini on! yeah! =)

p.s. the fish was nemo’s grandson.

You can’t win a battle against a vending machine

Dry your eyes- The Streets

 Dry You Eyes

In one single moment your whole life can turn ’round
I stand there for a minute starin’ straight into the ground
Lookin’ to the left slightly, then lookin’ back down
World feels like it’s caved in - proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she’s lookin’ straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she’s lookin’ down at her feet

  (more…)

just another day

shades of eve are falling
the stars shine above me singing with the lonely moon
no visions of rapture outside your arms
tonight when i dream of you

  (more…)

naivety

 my second attempt using oC4.

this painting has a story to tell.

i tell you later. =)

so here it is….

out of boredom, i surfed around and crashed
a god’s planet called ballsofsteel and saw his lonely creation called “Death”.
i thought, Death must be very lonely and needs somebody to kill. So i prayed to Steel (the god)
and granted my wish to paint the life of a forlon hambone. =)

i couldn’t think of anything but an ingenue to fit in the scene.
when i paint, i think of a story to portray….

the girl eating an icecream was already dead. the ground
she was standing was actually a stream deep enough to drown her.yeah, she drowned there.
she was standing on a frozen stream and that’s her ghost roaming around there about 30 christmases already.
then, Death the Angel, came back and begged to her, pleaded, besought, abjured… ( now that’s too much redundancy)…
he was crying out loud in 3 different languages ” tagai lagi ko og icecream bah!!!” “cge na pengeng icecream mo please!!”
“i don’t care if your icecream is not Dryers, just one lick, PLEASE!!! gimme gimme gimme!!!

and the little girl said…bleaaahgh! you dwie fwerst!!

special thanks to my sponsor: Steel for letting me use his artwork “Death”. Domo! Domo! Kore wa sugoi!!! salamat talaga! =)

seriously, i painted this with the inspiration of these words:

Kaze ni fukarete hana ga chirimashita. Ano ko wa minna ni kawaigararemasu. Ano hito no namae wa yoku shirarete imasu.

means( Blown by the wind, the flowers have fallen. That child is loved by all. His name is well known.

Solitaire

There was a man, a lonely man,
who lost his love through his indifference.
A heart that kept, that went unchecked,
until it died within his silence.

And Solitaire’s the only game in town,
and every road that takes him down.
And by himself, it’s easy to pretend,
he’ll never love again.
And keeping to himself he plays the game,
without her love it always ends the same.
While life goes on around him everywhere,
he’s playing Solitaire.

A little hope goes up in smoke,
just how it goes, goes without saying.
There was a man, a lonely man,
who would command the hand he’s playing.
 

And Solitaire’s the only game in town,
and every road that takes him down.
While life goes on around him everywhere,
he’s playing Solitaire.

 Neil Sedaka & Phil Cody

I love this song. catch the boomerang, kid.

15 minutes fame

Congratulations!

You have successfully reserved your 15 minutes on our front page and a permanent place in our hall of fame. If you supplied your email address you should shortly receive an email from us confirming your free reservation.

Your 15 minutes on our front page will begin on :

Monday, July 10, 2006 at 1:30:00 AM (GMT -08:00) Pacific Standard Time Pacific Time (US / Canada)

this site is fun. i never wanted to be in the spotlight, but this site gives you the chance to be famous in 15 minutes. it’s funny, i will still be asleep by that time. and most people are dozing off when my 15-minute fame begins. what a shame. but it’s still fun. heh.

places i wanna go:

Ethiopia-i’ll go anytime if a medical mission team will ask me to help them ( say, like a volunteer.)
Tanzania- same reason with Ethiopia. I also wanna see smiling faces of those children who suffer from hunger, pain, sickness…(God bless those children)
Israel- personal reason (no, im not gonna be a suicide bomber, you!)
New Zealand- i want to meet a new zealander cow. heh. seriously, i want this place to be my second home.

Japan-  do “Cosplaying” as my daytime job for a year. yeah!. study at MIT and hopefully sit in the class of Paul Gilbert ( that is if he’s still teaching there) and meet Ichigo and Naruto.

Murphy’s Technology Laws

Murphy’s Technology Law #1 — You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Murphy’s Technology Law #2 — Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Murphy’s Technology Law #3 — Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

  (more…)

soft undulations of the craving flesh–WHAT????

gay blogs  are everywhere talking about their fucking “the hell-i-care one night stands” geeez! i’m not homophobic but i can’t stand reading “carnal minds” thoughts doing it with their own species. the last time i checked, i was still on earth. and i still am. it’s not a new thing since the last president of iraq. my initial reaction was Eeeewwe!! call me a hypocrite. i know you’d tell me that SEX is the greatest thing on earth since sliced bread. ok, i know that ever since i was still a “sperm and egg” swimming around inside my dad’s penis and mom’s vagina . who doesn’t read the fucking manual? i don’t dislike gays. in fact, i have friends in high places roaming around like lions. they must be very secretive about the affairs of their genitals cos i haven’t heard of them talking about their lustful venture. it got me thinking though that i might have been reading their blogs all along. no pun intended to all people who are gays reading this. they say TRUTH HURTS. now, if you get offended about this rant, then maybe because it’s for the fact that TRUTH HURTS. but if you are not ,it’s because you don’t give a damn and i like that. well, people must be very expressive to the point of telling the whole world about their secret “fucking lives”. lemme ask you this–> WHO FUCKING CARES???

i’m not mad or anything. i’m just hungry. i’m to gay to function. but you’re gayer! 

oC4- first portrait

 it took me 4 hrs to paint this. i’m still a noob. will catch up with some tutorials online…..

 Open Canvas is best used with wireless drawing tablet.

good thing i have this ergonomically designed tablet. i got this 3 yrs ago and i used it for the first time last night. don’t laugh about the brand name. i know. it sounds like a drawing tablet for pervs. hehe

wish list

I want to  have these —–>

So that I can have these —–>

it’s in the law. you can’t have a border collie unless you have a herd of sheep. =((

words unspoken.muted.

muted words never uttered was chiselled within my palate.
words whisper in my ears the thoughts that wound my soul. unspoken words admonish me that they speak only for my ears to hear. bugbear heaps them latent within;bring the keys that never open my door.  words froze in time so that one sweet bitter day they could be confessed. are you listening?